i was having a conversation with one of my guy friends, he was telling me a majority of the girls he hooks up with turn out to be nut jobs so i made it my personal goal to figure out why! inspector freaking gadget over here (seriously, i’m good)! so we were chatting it up and i was asking a million and one questions about what he does to these girls, what kind of dates, how often does he call them, how does he treat them etc. after he broke it down for me i understood where the girls were coming from a bit. see the thing is my friend is a genuinely good guy and great person so he treats the girls he goes on dates with, with respect (unfortunately in today’s dating world respect isn’t that common) so these girls get treated with respect and assume the guy treating her with respect wants to marry her (that might be a light exaggeration but not too far off)! so while he’s just treating the girls the way any human deserves to be treated he is not in a place in his life where he wants a relationship so when it fades out the girls are so fucking confused. wait what it’s over but you opened doors for me, you put my coat on, you paid for my $8 sandwich at cosi (you already know there is a story behind that one, i’ll get to it another time), and you played sade while we hooked up

wait what?! he played sade while hooking up with girls he didn’t want a long term, serious relationship with!! these girls have every right to feel the way they do and act like nut jobs...he played sade! let me explain...

dear fellas,

the second any of those girls heard sade come on while hooking up (and when i say hooking up i mean sex) the assumption is you love them, they are just waiting for you to get down on one knee and propose because sade (intentionally played) is some serious "i love you" shit. i am so serious! i'm a music addict and some people would say i over analyze so with that being said it's fair to say i'm a certified music analyzer obviously! see as a female if i'm with a dude and he intentionally puts on john legend i'm going to assume he's in love with me because john legend is a grown man who sings about real grown man love. john legends songs translate to "boo i'm tired of running around with different ladies, we're both adults here i love you and want to spend forever with you my best friend and lover" so boys, if you intentionally play john legend or anyone in the john legend aka in love category know that the lady you are having sex with is going to make the safe assumption that you love her. here is what she is telling her girl friends after sexy time with sade in the background "omg girl it was amazing, the most perfect and magical night. we made love (yeah don't act surprise, playing that kind of music gets you into that mess) to sade" and her girls are going to reply "omg! he played sade?! omg! i didn't realize how serious you two were (neither did you buddy huh?!) so do you think he's the one?" yup it went there! do you see how serious your intentional music selection is? now if you don't want to mislead a lady and you want to make sure lust is not confused for love you need to make sure you pick an artist from the in lust category (see chart below) trey

songz aka "mister panty dropper" aka "mister steal your girl" (even his name screams lust) is in the in lust category. trey songz is who you throw on your speakers (if you are playing music during sexy time) with a girl you're just fooling around with and don't want to take too serious. why trey songz and not john legend? because trey songz still has that soft and sexy voice but his words scream "in the moment" romance aka a one night stand; opposed to john legends long term, lifetime romance aka this is forever! trey songz = "i want you only for tonight" john legend = "i want you forever" so while trey songz will still set the mood he is saying (in a very sweet voice) "baby girl tonight i'm all yours but after tonight i'll holler"

warning: please note that this is just general and opinionated information like my title says this is "not a self help blog" so ladies if your partner of many years is playing trey songz for you do not break up with him on behalf i will not be held responsible for any failed relationships

comment below with artist and/or songs and label what group they fall into and i will compile the master

"sound of love" guide

shit! this is one of my favorite marilyn monroe quotes too, oh well! don't play john legend for me and i won't go crazy!

sade even makes samantha fall in love, shit's serious!

jacqueline solivan