What feels like 100 hours a second but when you blink your eyes 3 years have gone by? Give up? Infertility!
Waiting for ovulation, waiting to take a pregnancy test and again and again month after month. In my case there is the occasional positive pregnancy test followed by a miscarriage a few weeks later and then I have to wait for my cycle to start all over again. The waiting feels like FOREVER but then I look back and I can’t believe 3 years have gone by and I’m still not a mama of 2 or at least pregnant. It’s really an emotional rollercoaster, in the video below you’ll notice a whole array of emotions from just one cycle! I’ve been recording my journey since before Kennedy was born, never really sure what I was going to do with it and I actually had never played anything back. This is my first time watching and sharing the behind the scenes of trying to conceive.
I’ve documented my journey in hopes of helping other women feel less alone in their own journey and at times I’ve been a source of information for those supporting someone close to them experience a similar journey. Via IG (@jacquelinelizzette ) I posted a few “Ask Me Anything” boxes and decided to give those answers a permanent home here and so those without IG can have access.
Q: Do you know why it’s hard for you?
A: So it was always chalked up to my endometriosis. However, after my last miscarriage my OBGYN ran a ton of blood work/tests and found out that I’m prone to clotting, early miscarriages, and second trimester miscarriages. There is a bunch of medical terminology that was given but that’s the broken down version. So while it does take me quite some time to get pregnant the real problem is not being able to stay pregnant.
Q: How long before you had Kennedy? How long have you been trying now?
A: We tried for 2 years with Kennedy and I miscarried before getting pregnant with her as well.
Q: Have you considered IVF?
A: IVF is very expensive and not guaranteed so when we were trying with Kennedy I didn’t want be in debt bringing a baby into this world and I felt like I still had time. Now after my last doctor appointment I would consider some sort of fertility help, there are a few things that we can try/do before IVF some that are even covered by insurance (laws in NY changed so a bit more is covered than before, nothing was covered in the past…sucks!). I’ve also always wanted to adopt so lots of things to consider and explore.
Q: How do you feel?
A: Thank you. FYI such an important question to GENUINELY ask people. How are you? How do you feel? It goes such a long way. But don’t ask it as a space filler, ask it if you truly care to know because the answer might not always be “good. thanks.” I digressed. That answer varies DAILY! Today right now I’m okay like I’ll give it a 6 in regards to how I’m feeling about this journey. Something about not ending the year pregnant really makes me sad but then I beat myself up because hello I have a beautiful healthy family already! The thing is I don’t take my family for granted AT ALL and my being thankful for them doesn’t mean I can’t mourn the loss I’m experiencing or better yet the loss that we are experiencing as a family. I’m not trying to have another baby just for me. However, I do feel the pain differently as I’m physically going through it. But right now I’m okay/good. <3
Q: What helped you conceive Kennedy?
No stress and I stopped trying! No joke! I quit my demanding job. Moved out of the city. Stopped “trying” and just had sex to enjoy it! Then BAM!
Q: Are you on a fertility plan/treatment now?
The plan right now as discussed with my doctor is to keep trying naturally for the rest of the year (less than a month at this point). If I get pregnant AMEN!!!! The second I find out I’m pregnant I have to go in and see him and start getting progesterone shots to help me stay pregnant we will do that for the entire first trimester at least. If I am not pregnant by the new year I have to go in and we will start some fertility treatments where they’ll track my ovulation and basically turkey baster my with Jack’s sperm. Really romantic!!
Q: Did your endometriosis symptoms calm down while pregnant? Did they get better after you gave birth?
While pregnant yes or maybe they didn’t but because I was sick the entire pregnancy I didn’t feel them ha. After, NOPE…I’m like the 1% because endometriosis is really supposed to clear up after pregnancy SO THEY SAY. I actually had one of the worst flare ups ever last weekend, I hate it!! But I will say they were right about one thing, labor wasn’t that bad. Obviously it wasn’t like a spa day but I am so used to pain that I was very much at ease. Also, Jack and the nurses were literal angels!!!
Q: What helps you get through this mentally and emotionally?
Therapy, taking care of my mental health is extremely important. There can be some really hard days; the first day of my period breaks my heart every single time! So taking care of my mental and knowing how to identify feelings and handle them has been amazing. Also, communicating my feelings. Jack and my inner circle know that day 1 of my period hits hard and they’re really supportive. Exercise, my Peloton has been such a great escape for me to just have a few moments to focus on nothing but me not to mention a good sweat session just makes me feel better all around. Gratitude. I am so blessed with my little family and I really have prioritized them in a very intentional way this past year, it’s made a world of a difference.
Q: How long did you try before you went to your doctor?
A: It can take the heathy fertile couple a year to conceive naturally so before the year mark a doctor will not talk infertility. I was getting pregnant even though it would take MONTHS so I guess I always held on to some hope which is why I didn’t see a doctor until after my last miscarriage so about year since we were REALLY TRYING this go around. I also think because I have Kennedy I didn’t go sooner, I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t have Kennedy I would have been knocking on my doctors door MONTHS ago “Sir give me a damn baby”!
Q: What does “trying” mean?
A: When I say trying I mean Jack’s sperm has been checked and accounted for (REMEMBER you cannot get pregnant without sperm so men need to get checked as well, make sure the team is swimming), we are tracking my ovulation (ensuring that I’m ovulating, can’t get pregnant if you don’t ovulate), have sex while ovulating. You can’t/don’t get pregnant on during any given time you have to be ovulating so there is really such a small window of when you can get pregnant.
Q: What products/tools do you use to help?
A: Yes!
Ovia Fertility App - You’ll log in your period dates and it will start to calculate your ovulation and expected period etc. the more months you log the more accurate it becomes. This provides a really good estimate but can’t be 100% simply because it can’t actually read your hormones.
Ovulation Tracker - These are sticks you pee on to track your hormones and let you know when you’re ovulating or if you aren’t even ovulating. So if you were simply going off the app and having sex during expected ovulation but aren’t actually ovulating, well you won’t get pregnant. If you find out you’re not ovulating you can talk to your doctor and most likely get a prescription for a medication that will help you ovulate. This is specific to you and much more accurate than the app. I have you digital and non digital ovulation test I prefer digital, click here for my fave.
Pre Seed Lubricant - This lubricant apparently helps sperm have a safer swim and mimics your body’s natural fertile fluids.
Pre Natal - OBGYN’s suggest you take prenatal from when you’re trying to conceive. This one is my favorite after trying a ton and apparently it’s the easiest on your tummy once pregnant. Prenatal vitamins typically do not help nausea. The link also has a discount code.
Natal Nourish - I take these drops from Organic Olivia’s line to help prepare my womb.