**It's basically about being enough as a new mom. Being enough even though you're not the same version of yourself that you're used to.

How I (reluctantly) accepted the “new” me and let go of “her”

Being a mother was not what I thought it would be. Sure, it’s incredibly difficult (to say the least). And yea, there are moments where I feel like my heart will literally explode from pure joy. But then there was the other thing I didn’t expect. It sounds like an obvious consequence of but, for me, it was reallllyyy difficult to accept the “new” me. And I don’t mean the person who now has a child, who can’t go out with friends as easily, who barely sleeps and who has a few extra pounds they’re not used to. That’s easy to deal with! I mean the new person that completely replaced the old person. The woman who would never go back to being who she was before pregnancy. Her…. I was a different human being altogether. I was now bonded/attached to a little human for the rest of my life. He was solely dependent on me (and my husband) to be fed, to be cared for, etc. 

And it wasn’t a matter of “getting used” to things or realizing that eventually things would get easier. Eventually there would be more sleep and less fear. All of that does happen. But it happens to this new person. Not the old her. I kept waiting for the moment when things would normalize and I would start feeling like my old self. Those moments never really came. Not in the way I wanted them to come. Because she didn’t exist anymore, she wasn’t there to go back to. I was now a mother to a beautiful baby boy. And while that didn’t define everything I was, I had to accept that it was now a ginormous part of me.

When I slowly realized that my old self was long gone, never to return again…it was HARD. I mourned “her” like I would the ending of a friendship. I couldn’t believe it! Me! I’d work so hard to become a woman I was proud of. So head strong and so sure of who I was and what I wanted for my life. And in an instant (or really 9 months), she was gone. But I had to stop fighting it and come to terms with this new person that stared at me in the mirror. The day I stopped trying to fight it and stopped wishing it would get better, was the day that I had the biggest release. I gave up. Not in a defeated sense but I gave up the fight. I was the ‘new’ me and that was totally fine. We are not meant to be the same person for all of our lives. I’ve always been the type of person that welcomed changed and loved growing as a person. Why couldn’t I look at motherhood in the same way? I could not be my old self but my new self was pretty bad ass in her own way.

I can still see her sometimes. I can feel her. It took a long time and, honestly, some days I still get a little sad thinking about “her.” But I try to repeat to myself: she may be gone but You are here and You are amazing. This you is enough to fulfill all your heart’s desires just like the old you. There’s room for each part of me, at different points of my life to exist and to be amazing.

** Notes from author


There are times in this working parent juggling act that I feel so overwhelmed trying to keep everything from falling. I juggle working, long commute, life with a toddler, maintaining a healthy marriage, trying to do volunteer work, focusing on my health/wellness, being a support system to my friends and family, trying to cook, clean, and overall maintain my sanity. I’m fortunate to have a husband who doesn’t mandate me to do any of the above (except Work, mama gotta bring home some money!) yet I still feel like if I don’t try to do all of this then I wouldn’t be a good parent/friend/employee/wife. There are times where it all goes to sh*t and I just eat out, work from home, and plop my kid in front of the TV, but that doesn’t help either. I’m still filled with the void of trying to be enough, being lazy doesn’t help me feel less stressed! So what is the solution??? I’ve found that reading stories of other women, who are deemed successful, who share the same experiences has made me realize we are all ENOUGH! We are not alone in this journey, we are all struggling to do good by everyone. Valerie Jarrett (served as senior advisor to Obama!) said it best, “having children teaches you a certain conscientiousness, discipline and responsibility. We need to recognize that these broader life experiences add value, they don’t subtract!” My daughter has made me stronger than I could have ever imagined! At the end of the day my driving force is my confidence in myself and knowing that I am valued and that no one has the power to take that away from me. 

Books that helped me realize my value: 
>>Knowing your Value: Women, Money, and getting what you’re Worth by Mirka Brzezinski
>>On becoming Love, Work, and Life by Arianna Huffington
>>What happened by Hillary Clinton
>>In the meantime by Iyanla Vanzant


It's July 4, 2016 and I'm hosting our Annual Fourth of July Holiday escape at my Happy Place (our home - Hyannis, Cape Cod). 

I remember opening the screen door, walking onto my porch, and being embraced by the perfectly warm sun, smelling the ocean air, and hearing the voices of so many loved ones.  I had a feeling of gratitude crash over me like a wave. This was the first time, I was STOPPED in my tracks positively overwhelmed with my blessings. Almost simultaneously, I thought about the one part of my life I've been "back-burning" for the last couple years - having my own children. Like an out of body experience, I saw myself in that moment on my porch, looking at everything Nic and I had built: most noticeably, our beautiful "village," splayed all across the front steps and yard.   

See, we always knew we would have children but there were so many ducks we wanted perfectly aligned beforehand. They say there's never a perfect time. And I'll never be perfect. So I decided, right there and then, "I'M ENOUGH. I can and I will grow my family now." 

Moments later, phone in hand, I walked over to the hammock Nic was lying on, asked him to scoot, laid next to him and said, "I'm Ready. Let's grow our family." He smiled, we kissed and I began recording an impromptu video dedicated to our children. Since then, I've recorded over 50 videos specifically dedicated to our (unborn) children, capturing our lives before them. 


My “enough moment.” Let’s look at the word “enough.” 

I like this definition: “Used to indicate that one is unwilling to tolerate any more of something undesirable.”

I think my enough moment was when I had enough of what I wanted people to think of me. I love this definition because there comes a moment in our lives when we come to the realization that we no longer tolerate things that are undesirable to us. Undesirable thoughts, undesirable relationships, undesirable habits, and undesirable lifestyles. We all come to realize at some point that there is so much more to life than those moments when we tear ourselves down & keep giving into those moments of comparison.  

We are wonderfully & fearfully made! There is no one like you. When God created us He created ONE of us. When you look at it that way, there is no reason to compare. We all have something unique & beautiful to bring to the table. Once we start acknowledging our uniqueness that is when comparison no longer becomes desirable. 

I am one who has struggled with it. But enough is enough, because...I am enough. I am here, I am breathing , I am smart, I am beautiful, I have something unique to bring to this world. I will keep unapologetically being me because God created me the way I am for a reason. He decided he needed one of me, just like he decided He needed one of you!

This life is SO short & there are too many beautiful things to experience. Don’t miss out on life because you’re comparing yourself to someone you’re not. The truth of the matter is, there is only one you. I pray every person, every woman, comes to this turning point in their life when they change those moments of “not good enough” to I am enough. Because you are.   

Life is waiting for you. Don’t keep it waiting!