big crush, crushed

sorry!! i have been gone way too long!! i was celebrating love and marriage at the wedding of two of my closest friends with no wifi!! but it was an amazing time and i will post about that soon, i am just waiting for more pictures and for the bride and groom to get back from their honeymoon so they can answer some questions for me. 

while hanging out in the pool one evening we started talking about my blog and how they absolutely loved it because they felt like it was me speaking directly to them (well duh it's me typing it) haha no but they were saying "jacq i can hear you telling your stories through your writing". that triggered "story time" yes, my friends love story time...this is literally where we sit down and i tell a story (a true story always). this time i got a special request for a particular story, yes they have favorites and request them...i know!!! the laughter that came from this story came from deep within, i'm talking ab workout laugh session, tears flooding down the face laugh session, lose your breath laugh session. 

so because i love you all so much it's only right that i share with you, let me tell you the story about macho (who is now married with a kid).....

oh macho...he was one of my biggest crushes ever! like the crush:
* who gives you butterflies every time you see him
* the one you dream about, the one who you stay on instant messenger (hidden of course) all day waiting for him to sign on and then 2.5 minutes later you “sign on” (unhide) so he will see your name pop up on the right hand corner and message you god willingly
* the crush who you are too afraid to talk to even though you won “most talkative” every year at school
* the crush you who you “research” on facebook so when you do get the chance to speak to him you “ask all the right questions” haha
* the one whose class schedule you just so happens to include lunch the same time as you every semester 
* the crush whose roommate you become bbf's with so….ehhh no excuse here
* the crush who you’d offer to help write a paper for even though you were behind 4 of your own
* the crush whose girlfriend you would “research” just in case she was tagged in a picture of her a little too close to another guy and send it to your crush from a secret email subject: your gf is a cheater and then be there to laugh about the “loser” who sent him a picture of his girlfriend and her cousin tommy.

you know that crush…
* the crush that is such a good person that he even does community service on the weekends, what a sweetheart! I once saw him at a club
 holding hands with this girl so sweet; he must have been doing volunteer work with the blind!
* the crush who finally notices and you exchange numbers with so you can “hang sometime” so you call him one day and get his
voicemail and being the spaz you are you obviously leave one:

“you’ve reached macho, i cant get to the phone right now so leave a message and i’ll get back to you”

me: hey, it’s Jacqui I was just calling to say hi 
(i hit * key to “erase and rerecord”)  my roommate looks at me and i tell her “no, no I don’t like that one”

me: hey macho, how are you? it’s…
my roommate looks at me again and I tell her “ugh, who says how are you not like he can answer me” (i hit * key to “erase and rerecord”)

me: hey! call me when you get a chance! 
“call who you idiot? you think he’s going to recognize your voice??  idiot lol" i tell my roommate (and yes i say lol out loud)  (i hit * key to “erase and rerecord”)

me: hi macho, it’s jacqui just calling to say hi. hope you’re having a good day, give me a call when you get this. 
(i hit # key to finish message)

“if you have finished recording hit 1 to send, hit 2 to listen to your message before sending” (i hit 2)
my message: 

yup, my dumb ass was hitting the * key to “erase and rerecord” that worked for my phone carrier not his!!! whew, good thing you can erase and rerecord! oh but too bad I’m a fucking idiot and spaz attack and hung up the phone, yup i hung up the damn phone so my big time crush heard the mess from the video up there! one would think that i would leave it at that but no why would i?  i wouldn’t be me if i made the logical decision!!! so instead i pick up my phone again even though clearly I should have burned the shit and leave the following message :

really jacqueline lizzette solivan?? really?! wtf dude!
(side note: my roommate was like the girl in the horror movie who sees the axe murderer coming in to kill her friend but is so scared she can’t speak so she just stands there eyes wide open hoping that the friend can read her mind…yeah that was her)