what is chivalry? i guess it depends on who you ask.
: chivalry dates back to the medieval times and knights. knights vowed to be loyal, generous, and of "noble bearing". the knights code of chivalry was a moral system that stated that knights were to protect those that couldn't protect themselves (women and children) and not only be strong but disciplined. knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honor of women.
something that is dead and that should stay dead.
son: daddy, why do i have to let her go first? she's a creep to everyone else.
dad: because, when somebody has a certain chemical called estrogen in their body, they automatically deserve more respect than you. it's called chauvinism, i mean chivalry.
men are confused on what it is and how to put it into play because women go around singing destiny's child "independent women" at the top of their lungs, they don't need a man and can do for themselves, they are fine with being single the rest of their lives....
they want to be treated like a princess....
first and foremost, wtf dude, the dictionary definition is the worst! what the hell does that even mean? i thought the dictionary was supposed to help me understand not confuse me more, so annoying! but reading all the different definitions it seems like the world is confused on what chivalry is.
what are my thoughts on chivalry? well my thoughts have changed over the years...
1996 - 10 year old jacqueline: my grandmother told me it was time to learn how to cook. i wasn't sold on the idea so being the forever questioning asshole smart ass brat that i am (amongst a ton of great qualities that i possess) i asked why i had to learn how to cook. and do you know what she had the nerve to tell me? "so you can cook for your husband one day" if she wasn't my grandmother i'd say "bitch please!" but being she's my grandmother i opted for "eww gross i am not learning to cook so i can cook for some man, no way not me! i don't even want to get married, i'm just going to adopt a kid but if i do get married my husband can cook for himself and me" so it's fair to say at 10 years old my thoughts on chivalry were nonexistent as i was on track to live an asexual lifestyle!
1999 - 13 year old jacqueline: i had my first love affair. no kissing. no holding hands. no i love you. we just had a thing. he had a major crush on me and at 13 years old my looks were not keeping me in the school yard love game so i was lucky anyone had a crush on me so yeah we had a thing i don't know what that really means but whatever a boy had a crush on me so let me live. my 13 year old crush ended up being my best valentine to date which is actually slightly depressing considering that was well over 10 years ago but hey at least i had a best?? he used to buy me old navy valentine themed pajama pants, candies perfume, and a lovely card that he actually wrote in (a rarity these days for a guy to not only remember a card but actually fill it out). so 13 year old jacqueline appreciates the little things like a card that's actually filled out!
2002 - 16 year old jacqueline: i'm in love! i have a high school sweetheart! heart eyes and all that super cheesy crap that comes with young love! the high school love affair was pure bliss for a few years (high school and a year of college, with a few "breaks" in between). wait how did i have a high school sweetheart for a few years and my school yard crush managed to hold the best valentine ever title? i was a sugar mama! i was dating the world's cheapest person ever! i have always been extremely independent perhaps to a fault but whatever better than the opposite. in high school i was a life guard and was damn near rich at least by a high school kid's standards, but no really i was making really good money so good that i ended up supporting "my love" bullshit! movies - my treat! dinner - my treat! cab rides - i got this! at the time i was okay with it because my "sweetheart" didn't have a job as he was strictly focusing on his studies, he must have been studying sports medicine in high school because all he ever did was play basketball at the park with his friends...oh wait sports medicine isn't offered in high school...who's the fool? i'm the fool! but seriously i didn't mind paying because i did have the money and was enjoying my time but dude if you can't afford to take me out at least be a gentleman and open a damn door for me! i felt like the man in that relationship: i always went to pick him up, i paid, and he spent more time in front of the mirror than me (he said he was the cuter of the two of us, if it wasn't for the fact that i would potentially get sued i would put his picture up so you could judge for yourself). yes, i was an idiot in this relationship. a fool. young and dumb. but i'm glad that if i was going to have a stupid period in my dating life it was than not now. so my thoughts on chivalry during that era: fml for singing "independent women" at the top of my lungs because dudes took that serious and let me:
"buy my own diamonds and i buy my own rings" (along with his express button downs and jordans)
"pay my own fun and pay my own bills" (along with his movie ticket and nextel bill)
"always 50/50 in relationships" (yup, my half and his)
then destiny's child released "cater 2 you" and let me tell you i said fuck that! back to 10 year old jacqueline i had the right idea, i'm not catering to no damn man that shit left me broke!
2005-2008 - years in between jacqueline: dating blows! i don't know how to act at this point i'm so used to paying for my own shit and being so independent that i literally fight dudes for bills. idiot! like i would feel like a gold digger if i didn't pay for my own meal or would think my date would think i was a user if i didn't pay. and i would run to open my own doors and get my own jacket because i didn't need a man to do any of that for me. i was back to miss independent because i was so damaged from the last relationship. that actually ended up ruining any potential with the dudes i was dating i heard this line more than once "jacq you don't know how to let a man be a man". my thoughts on chivalry at that point: wtf! this shit is so confusing. back to the asexual lifestyle!
2009 - 23 year old jacqueline: i'm finally in love again! thank goodness i thought i was a lost case. my boyfriend of this time period wanted to be the provider in this relationship, he wanted to provide for me as he was the man in the relationship. i fought him for the bill throughout our whole relationship but rarely won the battle. i never really got used to it and i wanted him to know that i didn't need or expect him to always pay for me so i would sneak off to give the waitress my card before she brought the check just to treat him and show he was appreciated. he opened doors which was nice and a small gesture that really means so much. this boyfriend was genuinely interested in my life and was very involved with my family, my career, health etc. so while this boyfriend was a caretaker, provider, and genuinely loved me he was missing the romance gene and it ended up being one of the main causes of the end to our otherwise great relationship. there was no hand holding, hugging, or kissing in public (in private we would cuddle on the couch while watching the playoffs or playing call of duty). i'm not huge on pda like i don't need to give people a clear picture of what life in our bedroom is but dude it's okay to act like you enjoy touching me shit! i think we were such good friends and so cool that he forgot i had a vagina and granted sometimes i act like a tough guy but really i do have a vagina and a little loving physically and verbally would be nice! now i leave this relationship knowing there are men who want to provide and love but that everyone shows love differently and you have to know what style works best for you or what you can deal with and can't deal with. chivalry might be alive! there is hope!
2011 - 25 year old jacqueline: dating, we meet again! this time around i've got standards and know what i want (or at least i think i do). during this time i met all sorts of characters.
the macho man player
: pays for everything actually gets upset if you offer not because he wants to really provide for you but he's a macho man and no woman or man pays for anything when this guy is around, he's
man! he doesn't really get too involved in any aspect of your life he just wants you to be dolled up and ready when he says for a night out on him of course. and when it's not you it's another girl.
too soon lover:
this is the nice guy, super sweet and romantic but after a day he's head over heels in loving planning your future together without even seeing your crazy side. hell once a man sees my crazy side and still wants to plan a future together then i know it's real love or he's real crazy for sticking around with my crazy behind. but no seriously the too soon lover doesn't even really take the time out to get to know you he's just so caught up with wanting to be in love that he just goes through the motions. and once you guys are done two days later he's found the next love of his life and the cycle continues until he meets a girl on his i want to fall in love right now level.
mr tap that ass:
this one is pretty self explanatory this is the guy who just wants some booty. some mr tap that ass men are bolder than others and say it while others pretend to "court" you aka buy you a drink. losers.
sir swag a lot:
ahhh my weakness. the man with swag! ugh i get weak in the knees with this guy: he can dress, has a career, is fun, knows all the hot spots, has the gift of gab and the ability to make any girl feel like she's the only girl in the room. but this guy is so smooth that even when he's flirting with the waitress and making her weak in the knees he finds a way to subtly let you know he's all about you...wtf kind of sick shit is that...but it's real! this is the guy who "lives in the moment", "whatever happens, happens", "i'm not ready for a relationship but if it happens, it happens" (aka i'm telling you i'm single and those are my intentions but to make you happy i'll let you think you're the "if it happens it happens" girl) sir swag a lot is a tricky bastard because he does show some acts of chivalry: picking up a tab, opening up a door, and making you feel beautiful. but with him it's in his dna to act that way not because he's head over heels for you it just comes with his swag.
what are my thoughts on chivalry now?
in simple terms i think chivalry is the difference between a man and a gentleman. a gentleman wants to provide, protect, and love. it's not about money, it's not about a million red roses every single day, and it's not about putting on a show for the world broadcasting your love. yes, i'm independent and i don't
a man to take care of me but i want a man who
to provide, protect, and love.
i do believe that a man should:
open doors, pull out a chair, help put on a jacket; these are three small things that mean so much to a lady.
romance doesn't have to be a dozen roses but guys:
stock up on her favorite candy bar and give it to her in a brown paper bag, send her a random "someecard" that's completely inappropriate but that shows you are thinking of her, surprise her at work with a cup of coffee ; it doesn't take a lot of money or huge surprise to be romantic just the thought!
and never forget to ask questions, not to just go through the motions but to be involved and dude when you ask a question
for your own safety
if a woman feels or realizes you're not listening so help jesus!
thank you to my dear friend nicole gonzalez for letting me use pictures of her beyond handsome gentleman in the making LLV