ring the doorbell!

warning: this post is not for virgin eyes and ears or my parents! mom and dad if you are reading this please stop now, no seriously right now stop. if you chose not to stop for the simple fact that i asked you to i will not be held responsible for the damage reading this post does to you. i do not have insurance and cannot pay for the therapy you will need after this. so one last time please stop here, thanks love you!

let's continue...

so apparently my last post on chivalry was a hit! ladies were thanking me while guys were promising me they would show their ladies some loving and romance, it was really kind of cute. "jacq i swear chivalry isn't dead", "thanks for the reminder i'm going to do something special for my lady tonight", and i even got a super romantic night out that i cannot even share not because it's too personal (clearly i don't give a crap about boundaries and filters lol) but because i don't want to jinx that shit. remember my best valentine ever was over 10 years ago i finally have a chance to have a valentine that sends me something other than a damn emoji rose so sorry keeping this one to myself for now. i feel like i've made a difference in the world with my last post. some people might say it's not that serious you're not saving lives, but they're wrong i really am! i made a few guys go home and make their lady happy. and we know an unhappy girl is very dangerous, not only to the person who put her in a foul mood but everyone she comes across, it's not fair but it's life. so yes, i saved lives and did my part in making this world a better place! 

guys seemed to listen so well that i had several ladies reach out to me and beg me to reach out to men again and shed light on s-e-x! i knew the day would come when i'd have to go there so here it goes. boys here is what women want you to know about sex! the video you are about to see are all points from my readers, so take notes!

(fyi i made each lesson into its own video since most of you read from your phones...faster download!)

(please excuse the hair and no makeup, i just got back from tanning lol)

ox 

jacqueline solivan

hi have you seen chivalry?

what is chivalry? i guess it depends on who you ask.

wikipedia

: chivalry dates back to the medieval times and knights. knights vowed to be loyal, generous, and of "noble bearing". the knights code of chivalry was a moral system that stated that knights were to protect those that couldn't protect themselves (women and children) and not only be strong but disciplined. knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honor of women.

urban dictionary

:

something that is dead and that should stay dead.

son: daddy, why do i have to let her go first? she's a creep to everyone else.

dad: because, when somebody has a certain chemical called estrogen in their body, they automatically deserve more respect than you. it's called chauvinism, i mean chivalry.

son: bullcrap!

askmen

:

men are confused on what it is and how to put it into play because women go around singing destiny's child "independent women" at the top of their lungs, they don't need a man and can do for themselves, they are fine with being single the rest of their lives....

but

they want to be treated like a princess....

merriam-webster dictionary

:

mounted men-at-arms

first and foremost, wtf dude, the dictionary definition is the worst! what the hell does that even mean? i thought the dictionary was supposed to help me understand not confuse me more, so annoying! but reading all the different definitions it seems like the world is confused on what chivalry is.

what are my thoughts on chivalry? well my thoughts have changed over the years...

1996 - 10 year old jacqueline: my grandmother told me it was time to learn how to cook. i wasn't sold on the idea so being the forever questioning asshole smart ass brat that i am (amongst a ton of great qualities that i possess) i asked why i had to learn how to cook. and do you know what she had the nerve to tell me? "so you can cook for your husband one day" if she wasn't my grandmother i'd say "bitch please!" but being she's my grandmother i opted for "eww gross i am not learning to cook so i can cook for some man, no way not me! i don't even want to get married, i'm just going to adopt a kid but if i do get married my husband can cook for himself and me" so it's fair to say at 10 years old my thoughts on chivalry were nonexistent as i was on track to live an asexual lifestyle!

1999 - 13 year old jacqueline: i had my first love affair. no kissing. no holding hands. no i love you. we just had a thing. he had a major crush on me and at 13 years old my looks were not keeping me in the school yard love game so i was lucky anyone had a crush on me so yeah we had a thing i don't know what that really means but whatever a boy had a crush on me so let me live. my 13 year old crush ended up being my best valentine to date which is actually slightly depressing considering that was well over 10 years ago but hey at least i had a best?? he used to buy me old navy valentine themed pajama pants, candies perfume, and a lovely card that he actually wrote in (a rarity these days for a guy to not only remember a card but actually fill it out). so 13 year old jacqueline appreciates the little things like a card that's actually filled out!

2002 - 16 year old jacqueline: i'm in love! i have a high school sweetheart! heart eyes and all that super cheesy crap that comes with young love! the high school love affair was pure bliss for a few years (high school and a year of college, with a few "breaks" in between). wait how did i have a high school sweetheart for a few years and my school yard crush managed to hold the best valentine ever title? i was a sugar mama! i was dating the world's cheapest person ever! i have always been extremely independent perhaps to a fault but whatever better than the opposite. in high school i was a life guard and was damn near rich at least by a high school kid's standards, but no really i was making really good money so good that i ended up supporting "my love" bullshit! movies - my treat! dinner - my treat! cab rides - i got this! at the time i was okay with it because my "sweetheart" didn't have a job as he was strictly focusing on his studies, he must have been studying sports medicine in high school because all he ever did was play basketball at the park with his friends...oh wait sports medicine isn't offered in high school...who's the fool? i'm the fool! but seriously i didn't mind paying because i did have the money and was enjoying my time but dude if you can't afford to take me out at least be a gentleman and open a damn door for me! i felt like the man in that relationship: i always went to pick him up, i paid, and he spent more time in front of the mirror than me (he said he was the cuter of the two of us, if it wasn't for the fact that i would potentially get sued i would put his picture up so you could judge for yourself). yes, i was an idiot in this relationship. a fool. young and dumb. but i'm glad that if i was going to have a stupid period in my dating life it was than not now. so my thoughts on chivalry during that era: fml for singing "independent women" at the top of my lungs because dudes took that serious and let me:

"buy my own diamonds and i buy my own rings" (along with his express button downs and jordans)

"pay my own fun and pay my own bills" (along with his movie ticket and nextel bill)

"always 50/50 in relationships" (yup, my half and his)

then destiny's child released "cater 2 you" and let me tell you i said fuck that! back to 10 year old jacqueline i had the right idea, i'm not catering to no damn man that shit left me broke!

2005-2008 - years in between jacqueline: dating blows! i don't know how to act at this point i'm so used to paying for my own shit and being so independent that i literally fight dudes for bills. idiot! like i would feel like a gold digger if i didn't pay for my own meal or would think my date would think i was a user if i didn't pay. and i would run to open my own doors and get my own jacket because i didn't need a man to do any of that for me. i was back to miss independent because i was so damaged from the last relationship. that actually ended up ruining any potential with the dudes i was dating i heard this line more than once "jacq you don't know how to let a man be a man". my thoughts on chivalry at that point: wtf! this shit is so confusing. back to the asexual lifestyle!

2009 - 23 year old jacqueline: i'm finally in love again! thank goodness i thought i was a lost case. my boyfriend of this time period wanted to be the provider in this relationship, he wanted to provide for me as he was the man in the relationship. i fought him for the bill throughout our whole relationship but rarely won the battle. i never really got used to it and i wanted him to know that i didn't need or expect him to always pay for me so i would sneak off to give the waitress my card before she brought the check just to treat him and show he was appreciated. he opened doors which was nice and a small gesture that really means so much. this boyfriend was genuinely interested in my life and was very involved with my family, my career, health etc. so while this boyfriend was a caretaker, provider, and genuinely loved me he was missing the romance gene and it ended up being one of the main causes of the end to our otherwise great relationship. there was no hand holding, hugging, or kissing in public (in private we would cuddle on the couch while watching the playoffs or playing call of duty). i'm not huge on pda like i don't need to give people a clear picture of what life in our bedroom is but dude it's okay to act like you enjoy touching me shit! i think we were such good friends and so cool that he forgot i had a vagina and granted sometimes i act like a tough guy but really i do have a vagina and a little loving physically and verbally would be nice! now i leave this relationship knowing there are men who want to provide and love but that everyone shows love differently and you have to know what style works best for you or what you can deal with and can't deal with. chivalry might be alive! there is hope!

2011 - 25 year old jacqueline: dating, we meet again! this time around i've got standards and know what i want (or at least i think i do). during this time i met all sorts of characters.

the macho man player

: pays for everything actually gets upset if you offer not because he wants to really provide for you but he's a macho man and no woman or man pays for anything when this guy is around, he's

the

 man! he doesn't really get too involved in any aspect of your life he just wants you to be dolled up and ready when he says for a night out on him of course. and when it's not you it's another girl.

too soon lover:

this is the nice guy, super sweet and romantic but after a day he's head over heels in loving planning your future together without even seeing your crazy side. hell once a man sees my crazy side and still wants to plan a future together then i know it's real love or he's real crazy for sticking around with my crazy behind. but no seriously the too soon lover doesn't even really take the time out to get to know you he's just so caught up with wanting to be in love that he just goes through the motions. and once you guys are done two days later he's found the next love of his life and the cycle continues until he meets a girl on his i want to fall in love right now level.

mr tap that ass:

this one is pretty self explanatory this is the guy who just wants some booty. some mr tap that ass men are bolder than others and say it while others pretend to "court" you aka buy you a drink. losers.

sir swag a lot:

ahhh my weakness. the man with swag! ugh i get weak in the knees with this guy: he can dress, has a career, is fun, knows all the hot spots, has the gift of gab and the ability to make any girl feel like she's the only girl in the room. but this guy is so smooth that even when he's flirting with the waitress and making her weak in the knees he finds a way to subtly let you know he's all about you...wtf kind of sick shit is that...but it's real! this is the guy who "lives in the moment", "whatever happens, happens", "i'm not ready for a relationship but if it happens, it happens" (aka i'm telling you i'm single and those are my intentions but to make you happy i'll let you think you're the "if it happens it happens" girl) sir swag a lot is a tricky bastard because he does show some acts of chivalry: picking up a tab, opening up a door, and making you feel beautiful. but with him it's in his dna to act that way not because he's head over heels for you it just comes with his swag.

what are my thoughts on chivalry now?

in simple terms i think chivalry is the difference between a man and a gentleman. a gentleman wants to provide, protect, and love. it's not about money, it's not about a million red roses every single day, and it's not about putting on a show for the world broadcasting your love. yes, i'm independent and i don't

need

 a man to take care of me but i want a man who

wants

to provide, protect, and love.

i do believe that a man should:

open doors, pull out a chair, help put on a jacket; these are three small things that mean so much to a lady.

romance doesn't have to be a dozen roses but guys:

stock up on her favorite candy bar and give it to her in a brown paper bag, send her a random "someecard" that's completely inappropriate but that shows you are thinking of her, surprise her at work with a cup of coffee ; it doesn't take a lot of money or huge surprise to be romantic just the thought!

and never forget to ask questions, not to just go through the motions but to be involved and dude when you ask a question

listen

 for your own safety

listen

 if a woman feels or realizes you're not listening so help jesus!

or...f that chivalry bullcrap and "woman you open the damn door yourself miss independent"

thank you to my dear friend nicole gonzalez for letting me use pictures of her beyond handsome gentleman in the making LLV

ox 

jacqueline solivan

safety first

so i’m crazy, legit 100% something wrong with me! i want to say it’s a “girl thing” so i’m not in it 

alone

 but i don’t have the evidence to back it up other than 99% of my male friends telling me "girls are crazy". so again i’m crazy! the way i act with men you’d think i have serious daddy issues but i don’t i actually only have minor daddy issues that came to life about 5 years ago so i don’t think i fall into the daddy issue category. for the past year i have been “ready”: 

  • ready for love
  • ready for a boyfriend,
  • ready for something serious
  • ready for something with some substance
  • ready for a consistent piece of ass (say something, i dare you!)
  • ready for more than a text message at valentine’s day
  • ready to prove to my grandfather that i will marry something other than a laptop or airplane (he has literally said that to me “you are going to marry a computer or an airplane”)

so last summer while most little girls were counting sheep to go to sleep i was chanting “i will open my heart to love, i will open my heart to love, i will open my heart to love...” with that i actually allowed myself to meet dudes and entertain dudes. entertain dudes you ask? it’s like fake dating. i would meet these dudes who caused fireworks to go off when i met them, it was lust at first sight and not lust for the dudes but lust for the entertainment. 

i was in love with the game: 

  • having to consult with at least two female friends and two male friends before replying to any text message even if it was “good morning”
    • the anticipation of whether or not i would get a “goodnight” text 
    • never knowing when we would be hanging out again since everything was spontaneous never set plans
    • waiting for it to end 

don’t get me wrong i had a good time with these dudes but that’s where it started and ended a good time. they were all really awesome dudes who had a lot going for them and again were so much fun to hang out with but that was all. there was zero substance and i knew they weren’t “the one” it was the same game with each guy the only thing that changed was the player in the game. and i loved it! why? because it was safe! how? there was zero risk, zero commitment, i knew that it would end and not in heart break just fade away. crazy as fuck! "hi my name is jacqueline and i am ready for love but i will only date dudes who don't want commitment" oh and to add on to my craziness i play the "super cool chick" see i am super cool and chill (not in the i know how to twerk way obviously but in the "babe let's stay in and watch the game" way). but i take it to another level it's like i meet a dude i like and the first thing i say is "hi i'm not looking for a relationship, i don't want a boyfriend or anything" like wtf dude...yes you do! so why do i say that? oh because i'm fucking crazy!! 

that is all thanks for letting me vent. 

i wrote this post while in san francisco and found this antique skeleton key, kind of romantic it's like the key to my heart. but 

knowing me i'll probably buy the wrong lock so no man ever can open it. asshole.

ox 

jacqueline solivan