hi have you seen chivalry?

what is chivalry? i guess it depends on who you ask.

wikipedia

: chivalry dates back to the medieval times and knights. knights vowed to be loyal, generous, and of "noble bearing". the knights code of chivalry was a moral system that stated that knights were to protect those that couldn't protect themselves (women and children) and not only be strong but disciplined. knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honor of women.

urban dictionary

:

something that is dead and that should stay dead.

son: daddy, why do i have to let her go first? she's a creep to everyone else.

dad: because, when somebody has a certain chemical called estrogen in their body, they automatically deserve more respect than you. it's called chauvinism, i mean chivalry.

son: bullcrap!

askmen

:

men are confused on what it is and how to put it into play because women go around singing destiny's child "independent women" at the top of their lungs, they don't need a man and can do for themselves, they are fine with being single the rest of their lives....

but

they want to be treated like a princess....

merriam-webster dictionary

:

mounted men-at-arms

first and foremost, wtf dude, the dictionary definition is the worst! what the hell does that even mean? i thought the dictionary was supposed to help me understand not confuse me more, so annoying! but reading all the different definitions it seems like the world is confused on what chivalry is.

what are my thoughts on chivalry? well my thoughts have changed over the years...

1996 - 10 year old jacqueline: my grandmother told me it was time to learn how to cook. i wasn't sold on the idea so being the forever questioning asshole smart ass brat that i am (amongst a ton of great qualities that i possess) i asked why i had to learn how to cook. and do you know what she had the nerve to tell me? "so you can cook for your husband one day" if she wasn't my grandmother i'd say "bitch please!" but being she's my grandmother i opted for "eww gross i am not learning to cook so i can cook for some man, no way not me! i don't even want to get married, i'm just going to adopt a kid but if i do get married my husband can cook for himself and me" so it's fair to say at 10 years old my thoughts on chivalry were nonexistent as i was on track to live an asexual lifestyle!

1999 - 13 year old jacqueline: i had my first love affair. no kissing. no holding hands. no i love you. we just had a thing. he had a major crush on me and at 13 years old my looks were not keeping me in the school yard love game so i was lucky anyone had a crush on me so yeah we had a thing i don't know what that really means but whatever a boy had a crush on me so let me live. my 13 year old crush ended up being my best valentine to date which is actually slightly depressing considering that was well over 10 years ago but hey at least i had a best?? he used to buy me old navy valentine themed pajama pants, candies perfume, and a lovely card that he actually wrote in (a rarity these days for a guy to not only remember a card but actually fill it out). so 13 year old jacqueline appreciates the little things like a card that's actually filled out!

2002 - 16 year old jacqueline: i'm in love! i have a high school sweetheart! heart eyes and all that super cheesy crap that comes with young love! the high school love affair was pure bliss for a few years (high school and a year of college, with a few "breaks" in between). wait how did i have a high school sweetheart for a few years and my school yard crush managed to hold the best valentine ever title? i was a sugar mama! i was dating the world's cheapest person ever! i have always been extremely independent perhaps to a fault but whatever better than the opposite. in high school i was a life guard and was damn near rich at least by a high school kid's standards, but no really i was making really good money so good that i ended up supporting "my love" bullshit! movies - my treat! dinner - my treat! cab rides - i got this! at the time i was okay with it because my "sweetheart" didn't have a job as he was strictly focusing on his studies, he must have been studying sports medicine in high school because all he ever did was play basketball at the park with his friends...oh wait sports medicine isn't offered in high school...who's the fool? i'm the fool! but seriously i didn't mind paying because i did have the money and was enjoying my time but dude if you can't afford to take me out at least be a gentleman and open a damn door for me! i felt like the man in that relationship: i always went to pick him up, i paid, and he spent more time in front of the mirror than me (he said he was the cuter of the two of us, if it wasn't for the fact that i would potentially get sued i would put his picture up so you could judge for yourself). yes, i was an idiot in this relationship. a fool. young and dumb. but i'm glad that if i was going to have a stupid period in my dating life it was than not now. so my thoughts on chivalry during that era: fml for singing "independent women" at the top of my lungs because dudes took that serious and let me:

"buy my own diamonds and i buy my own rings" (along with his express button downs and jordans)

"pay my own fun and pay my own bills" (along with his movie ticket and nextel bill)

"always 50/50 in relationships" (yup, my half and his)

then destiny's child released "cater 2 you" and let me tell you i said fuck that! back to 10 year old jacqueline i had the right idea, i'm not catering to no damn man that shit left me broke!

2005-2008 - years in between jacqueline: dating blows! i don't know how to act at this point i'm so used to paying for my own shit and being so independent that i literally fight dudes for bills. idiot! like i would feel like a gold digger if i didn't pay for my own meal or would think my date would think i was a user if i didn't pay. and i would run to open my own doors and get my own jacket because i didn't need a man to do any of that for me. i was back to miss independent because i was so damaged from the last relationship. that actually ended up ruining any potential with the dudes i was dating i heard this line more than once "jacq you don't know how to let a man be a man". my thoughts on chivalry at that point: wtf! this shit is so confusing. back to the asexual lifestyle!

2009 - 23 year old jacqueline: i'm finally in love again! thank goodness i thought i was a lost case. my boyfriend of this time period wanted to be the provider in this relationship, he wanted to provide for me as he was the man in the relationship. i fought him for the bill throughout our whole relationship but rarely won the battle. i never really got used to it and i wanted him to know that i didn't need or expect him to always pay for me so i would sneak off to give the waitress my card before she brought the check just to treat him and show he was appreciated. he opened doors which was nice and a small gesture that really means so much. this boyfriend was genuinely interested in my life and was very involved with my family, my career, health etc. so while this boyfriend was a caretaker, provider, and genuinely loved me he was missing the romance gene and it ended up being one of the main causes of the end to our otherwise great relationship. there was no hand holding, hugging, or kissing in public (in private we would cuddle on the couch while watching the playoffs or playing call of duty). i'm not huge on pda like i don't need to give people a clear picture of what life in our bedroom is but dude it's okay to act like you enjoy touching me shit! i think we were such good friends and so cool that he forgot i had a vagina and granted sometimes i act like a tough guy but really i do have a vagina and a little loving physically and verbally would be nice! now i leave this relationship knowing there are men who want to provide and love but that everyone shows love differently and you have to know what style works best for you or what you can deal with and can't deal with. chivalry might be alive! there is hope!

2011 - 25 year old jacqueline: dating, we meet again! this time around i've got standards and know what i want (or at least i think i do). during this time i met all sorts of characters.

the macho man player

: pays for everything actually gets upset if you offer not because he wants to really provide for you but he's a macho man and no woman or man pays for anything when this guy is around, he's

the

 man! he doesn't really get too involved in any aspect of your life he just wants you to be dolled up and ready when he says for a night out on him of course. and when it's not you it's another girl.

too soon lover:

this is the nice guy, super sweet and romantic but after a day he's head over heels in loving planning your future together without even seeing your crazy side. hell once a man sees my crazy side and still wants to plan a future together then i know it's real love or he's real crazy for sticking around with my crazy behind. but no seriously the too soon lover doesn't even really take the time out to get to know you he's just so caught up with wanting to be in love that he just goes through the motions. and once you guys are done two days later he's found the next love of his life and the cycle continues until he meets a girl on his i want to fall in love right now level.

mr tap that ass:

this one is pretty self explanatory this is the guy who just wants some booty. some mr tap that ass men are bolder than others and say it while others pretend to "court" you aka buy you a drink. losers.

sir swag a lot:

ahhh my weakness. the man with swag! ugh i get weak in the knees with this guy: he can dress, has a career, is fun, knows all the hot spots, has the gift of gab and the ability to make any girl feel like she's the only girl in the room. but this guy is so smooth that even when he's flirting with the waitress and making her weak in the knees he finds a way to subtly let you know he's all about you...wtf kind of sick shit is that...but it's real! this is the guy who "lives in the moment", "whatever happens, happens", "i'm not ready for a relationship but if it happens, it happens" (aka i'm telling you i'm single and those are my intentions but to make you happy i'll let you think you're the "if it happens it happens" girl) sir swag a lot is a tricky bastard because he does show some acts of chivalry: picking up a tab, opening up a door, and making you feel beautiful. but with him it's in his dna to act that way not because he's head over heels for you it just comes with his swag.

what are my thoughts on chivalry now?

in simple terms i think chivalry is the difference between a man and a gentleman. a gentleman wants to provide, protect, and love. it's not about money, it's not about a million red roses every single day, and it's not about putting on a show for the world broadcasting your love. yes, i'm independent and i don't

need

 a man to take care of me but i want a man who

wants

to provide, protect, and love.

i do believe that a man should:

open doors, pull out a chair, help put on a jacket; these are three small things that mean so much to a lady.

romance doesn't have to be a dozen roses but guys:

stock up on her favorite candy bar and give it to her in a brown paper bag, send her a random "someecard" that's completely inappropriate but that shows you are thinking of her, surprise her at work with a cup of coffee ; it doesn't take a lot of money or huge surprise to be romantic just the thought!

and never forget to ask questions, not to just go through the motions but to be involved and dude when you ask a question

listen

 for your own safety

listen

 if a woman feels or realizes you're not listening so help jesus!

chivalry at its finest: a gentleman opening a door for a lady.

or...f that chivalry bullcrap and "woman you open the damn door yourself miss independent"

thank you to my dear friend nicole gonzalez for letting me use pictures of her beyond handsome gentleman in the making LLV

ox 

jacqueline solivan

not really the cool kid

what i am about to say is probably going to come as a shocker to most of you (actually all of you except my younger sister and anyone who really knows me lol)...i'm really not that cool. i know, i know, i know! this is very hard to believe and you might actually challenge me on that statement but trust me i'm really

not

that cool. i'm like an optical illusion...on the surface, first glance: cool kid! after you look a little deeper and actually interact with me: biggest dork! i don't know how i made it this far fooling people, actually i never fooled anyone it's like my homegirl marilyn monroe said

 i really think it's because i know how to make fun of myself that the cool kids accept me; i don't pretend to be cool i just laugh about not being cool and how horrible i am at "cool things". i kind of just poke fun at "fake it til you make it" and because i have a good time doing it people can't do anything but love it or deal with it lol.

for example:

in grade school the "topsy tail" was the coolest thing ever! it's the first "as seen on tv" that i remember being relevant to my life. my parents claimed they couldn't afford the $12.95 ($3.95 S&H) so no "topsy tail" for me

or

 free gift with purchase (the complete book of topsy tail styles). i was so upset! i so badly wanted the topsy tail, i wanted to be cool! but my parents weren't going to let our finiancial situation get it the way, so they made it work! no, they didn't scrape their pennies together to buy me the "topsy tail"; my father found a wire hanger and duck tape and

made his own topsy tail.

yup! you read correctly my pops unwound a metal hanger (you know the kind from the dry cleaners minus the paper that reads "we <3 our customers") then bent it and formed it to the "topsy tail" shape then duck taped it in place! and

vuala

 (or however you spell that) there it was my very own "topsy tail". i might have lost a good pound of hair during the "topsy tail" era but guess what i had cool kid hair!

in junior high i was super undeveloped compared to the rest of the 13 year old girls in my class: 

i never kissed a boy (or girl, get your mind out the gutter) and i some how managed to escape the fate of spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven (mainly because my parents never let me go to parties, but regardless)

i never wore a bra (only because i didn't fit in one, still barely do) and i some how managed to escape the fate of getting stuck in front of a bra snapping 13 year old boy in class

i didn't have my period so i had to do my best to not look too awkward during awful period horror story sharing time  

in high school my parents couldn't afford to buy me the coolest sneakers or shoes, i'm starting to think that was their go to excuse for everything i wanted. the sneaker issue ended up working itself out because i played varsity basketball all 4 years of high school (which earned me some cool points, not to mention i was a starter all 4 years, and the only white girl on the team "oh yeah go me"! ) and being on the team meant team sneakers so i was covered in that department. now as far as shoes went i didn't have the same luck. i went to an all girls catholic high school so we had uniforms that we had to wear every single day, the only thing not included in the uniform were our shoes so go figure bitches had to go all out and compete for the best shoes. the cool shoe when i was in high school was a burgundy mary jane from aldo ($70) guess what my parents told me "we can't afford that" so where did i end up?? yup! payless! but guess what payless had the same exact shoe, just a shade or two off no biggie because to me it was the look that was important not the name (my future husband better not read that and get ideas of slacking on my ring because i have that mind set dammit). so i get to school super excited that i have a cool pair of shoes and bitches went and questioned me!! not in a bad way just genuinely confused like they didn't see the color i had at aldo so i bit the bullet and admitted they were from payless and to make light of the situation i purchased a pair of insoles from the 99 cents store and took a sharpie from home and wrote "aldo" on them and put them in my shoe, it was the joke of the year at school! 

now in my adult life not having cable and internet (you already know that story) is really taking a toll on my cool level. the freaking internet is flooded with all these youtube sensations that are a serious part of our culture now. everything from news interviews ("ain't nobody got time for that", "hide yo kids", "i knew something was wrong when a pretty little white girl ran into the arms of a black man") to child sensations (the 2 year old who doesn't miss a basketball shot, the little english girls that know every nikii minaj song), and most importantly in my life the dance crazes! i can't go anywhere without being surrounded by the latest dance: a night out with my girls, a silly night in with my little sister and her friends, shit i can't even go to a bbq!  which brings me to the point of this post (funny the "point of my post" is always like 10 paragraphs after the title haha) last week i went to a bbq (sounds innocent enough) until the music starts playing. the beat dropped and lord have mercy did the asses shake, these girls had moves. but it was like they weren't even aware that they were moving, it was as if the asses had a mind of their own, it was really like magic! before i could get caught gawking i asked the cool girls at the bbq what it was they were doing and in unison they sang "tweeerking" what?! twerking!? what is this thing called twerk?!? i want to twerk!! see twerking isn't like the other cool kid obstacles i had come across in my life, twerking i couldn't fake, i was clueless! but guess what the cool kids were like angels from heaven and they took me under their wings and gave me

"how to twerk"

lessons! i will be spending my summer learning to express myself (please refer to my video from the post before this one). 

please note this was only a 30 minute lesson, do not contact me about twerk competitions (yet)

ox 

jacqueline solivan

the sound of love

i was having a conversation with one of my guy friends, he was telling me a majority of the girls he hooks up with turn out to be nut jobs so i made it my personal goal to figure out why! inspector freaking gadget over here (seriously, i’m good)! so we were chatting it up and i was asking a million and one questions about what he does to these girls, what kind of dates, how often does he call them, how does he treat them etc. after he broke it down for me i understood where the girls were coming from a bit. see the thing is my friend is a genuinely good guy and great person so he treats the girls he goes on dates with, with respect (unfortunately in today’s dating world respect isn’t that common) so these girls get treated with respect and assume the guy treating her with respect wants to marry her (that might be a light exaggeration but not too far off)! so while he’s just treating the girls the way any human deserves to be treated he is not in a place in his life where he wants a relationship so when it fades out the girls are so fucking confused. wait what it’s over but you opened doors for me, you put my coat on, you paid for my $8 sandwich at cosi (you already know there is a story behind that one, i’ll get to it another time), and you played sade while we hooked up 

wait what?! he played sade while hooking up with girls he didn’t want a long term, serious relationship with!! these girls have every right to feel the way they do and act like nut jobs...he played sade! let me explain...

dear fellas,

the second any of those girls heard sade come on while hooking up (and when i say hooking up i mean sex) the assumption is you love them, they are just waiting for you to get down on one knee and propose because sade (intentionally played) is some serious "i love you" shit. i am so serious! i'm a music addict and some people would say i over analyze so with that being said it's fair to say i'm a certified music analyzer obviously! see as a female if i'm with a dude and he intentionally puts on john legend i'm going to assume he's in love with me because john legend is a grown man who sings about real grown man love. john legends songs translate to "boo i'm tired of running around with different ladies, we're both adults here i love you and want to spend forever with you my best friend and lover" so boys, if you intentionally play john legend or anyone in the john legend aka in love category know that the lady you are having sex with is going to make the safe assumption that you love her. here is what she is telling her girl friends after sexy time with sade in the background "omg girl it was amazing, the most perfect and magical night. we made love (yeah don't act surprise, playing that kind of music gets you into that mess) to sade" and her girls are going to reply "omg! he played sade?! omg! i didn't realize how serious you two were (neither did you buddy huh?!) so do you think he's the one?" yup it went there! do you see how serious your intentional music selection is? now if you don't want to mislead a lady and you want to make sure lust is not confused for love you need to make sure you pick an artist from the in lust category (see chart below)  trey 

songz aka "mister panty dropper" aka "mister steal your girl" (even his name screams lust) is in the in lust category. trey songz is who you throw on your speakers (if you are playing music during sexy time) with a girl you're just fooling around with and don't want to take too serious. why trey songz and not john legend? because trey songz still has that soft and sexy voice but his words scream "in the moment" romance aka a one night stand; opposed to john legends long term, lifetime romance aka this is forever! trey songz = "i want you only for tonight" john legend = "i want you forever" so while trey songz will still set the mood he is saying (in a very sweet voice) "baby girl tonight i'm all yours but after tonight i'll holler" 

 warning: please note that this is just general and opinionated information like my title says this is "not a self help blog" so ladies if your partner of many years is playing trey songz for you do not break up with him on behalf i will not be held responsible for any failed relationships

comment below with artist and/or songs and label what group they fall into and i will compile the master  "sound of love" guide

shit! this is one of my favorite marilyn monroe quotes too, oh well! don't play john legend for me and i won't go crazy!

sade even makes samantha fall in love, shit's serious!

ox 

jacqueline solivan