I know I have only been a mom for all of 2 minutes (145440 to be exact) but I have some words of wisdom or encouragement for all the other mommas out there: MAKE TIME FOR YOU! Dude, I cannot stress how crucial this is for YOU and your well being. After I gave birth to Kennedy my OB gave me the "Murphy Laws" (his name was Dr. Murphy, get it!): 1. Don't try to figure it out! 2. Ask for help & accept help! 3. Go on dates! (even if it's 15 minutes at a coffee shop) 4. Make time for you!
He really put an emphasis on the fourth law; he said this would be imperative in helping me recover. When he said it I had no clue what he meant but man oh man do I get it now. I have said it a million times the hormones involved in pregnancy and beyond are wacky AF and if you don't take care of yourself you really can go crazy (mental health is so important especially now raising a child). I don’t remember ever hearing much if anything about postpartum life in terms of ME! I heard about taking care of a baby and sleepless nights (which I don’t even experience) but nothing about taking care of me. I wish postpartum self care was at the forefront of more motherhood conversations, it’s so freaking important. I don’t know if it is mom guilt, the fear of outside judgement, or feeling “alone” in our thoughts/feelings; they all make sense but we need to stop. First of all it's OKAY! Pregnancy is no freaking joke; take a second to reflect on what you did...YOU GREW A HUMAN BEING, that is a legit super power! Then, you went through labor regardless if it was a "quick" two hours or a terrifying 38 hours; whether you pushed out a human being vaginally with no drugs or had a scheduled c section with your nails and hair did...you carried and delivered a child...GIRLFRIEND YOU WENT THROUGH SOME ISH! Embrace and own everything that comes after; the tears, the mood swings, the highs the lows, the "what the F am I supposed to do", the "I am a bad ass woman", "I am a goddess", the "I am a effing boss" the "I'm fucking exhausted and am four seconds away from my third meltdown of the week"....OWN IT and TALK IT OUT!
We have got to take care of ourselves and each other ladies; I really hate how much mom bashing and shaming goes on. Whether it’s postpartum depression or just feeling overwhelmed...it’s okay and it’s okay to take care of yourself! Nobody said it was going to be easy and nobody said you have to be perfect! Use your village, your support system is everything...let people help! Your village not only plays a crucial role in the development of your little one but it helps big time with your recovery; it gives you the opportunity to catch your breath and take a "time out". Taking the time to take care of you does not mean you love your child any less; a few hours of "you" time is not bad parenting...again how can you care for someone else if you're not taking care of yourself. I love getting my nails done and for no reason other than it's something that makes me feel good, it gives me "me time", and it brings me a sense of "normalcy". Of course as a mom there are times where I just don't feel up for it but my circle (Jack, mom, sister, besties) will give me that extra push and I have yet to regret one manicure! Outside of me time "us" time is also very important! Before Kennedy there was Jack & Jacqueline and one day our little girl will turn 13 and no longer think her parents are cool and avoid us at all costs (if she's anything like me) and one day she will even move out and it will be back to just the two of us. Now this by no means we EVER EVER stop being her parents, or stop loving her and caring for her, we will never stop doing our part to ensure her growth, happiness, and well being (see that mom guilt almost got me, I started to over explain); it just means that we will also never stop caring for each other as partners and lovers...even if that means Netflix and Chill while grandma babysits for the night. Speaking of grandma babysitting sessions (be it for a night or just a few hours) those are a must for a completely selfless reason...they need alone time to bond! That goes for grandmas, aunties, and anyone who loves our little girl; when we join our friends and family we kiss Kennedy goodbye and let anyone and everyone hold her again not because we don't love her but we want her to experience the love everyone around us wants to shower her with...lucky us we get to go home with her and smother her with all of our love. So embrace your village for your sake, their sake, and the sake of your little one!
Your moment(s) of weakness do not take away from your being a STRONG AF woman and mother! And remember you HAVE to take care of you if you're going to raise a little one; showing them self love and respect is a great life lesson!